What does discipleship in the home look like, what are practical ways of accomplishing this feat, and what are the fruits of such an endeavor. Discipling our children is not just a necessity, it is a command from God. Jesus, when He was 12 was constantly at the temple studying about God and increasing His knowledge of His heavenly Father. We increase our head knowledge as the Holy Spirit works in our heart to bring about change or heart knowledge.
Our children face what are now considered cultural norms; but are unprecedented ways of sinning against a Holy God. Paul faced similar circumstances in his day. He explains the reasons behind this behavior in Romans 1:21-23. 21 "For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened. 22 Professing to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures." There is the crux of the issue. Even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks. The world is a tough place to be in. Ask anyone that has a day job and they will tell you the same. Ask some of your non-Christian friends or co-workers and even they will agree with you. Kids are pulled in every direction by every person they meet. Society at large tells them they can be anything they want as long as what they want is not Christianity. Society tells them to engage in sexual activity and to try new things so long as that new thing is not Christianity. There is a culture war fought in the spiritual realm and the enemy has his ballistic missile cross-hairs on your children. Consider that your children spend an average of 35 hours a week in the public sphere of influence. 35 hours translates to 140 a month, and 1260 hours a year in a traditional school year. They spend hours with their friends and consume copious amounts of media, often unchecked and unsupervised. How can we compete with the world and without provoking them; “bring up our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). What follows is not a comprehensive list; however, it is a list of 5 things I have implemented in my life over the years and has proved fruitful. I need to offer a disclaimer here; none of these are possible without being wholly submitted to the Lord Jesus, which is #5. What I mean is, if you desire lasting change, if you desire to bring glory to God and Jesus to other people then one must be submitted to the Lord and committed to an eternal perspective. You must be wholly committed to the discipleship of your children and Biblically speaking it is our job as parents but most importantly it is a fathers God ordained role. Shut off Auto-Pilot and Fly Right Fathers, we have got to stop going through life with the auto-pilot engaged. Let me say, I understand. As a full time employee, husband, father, student, church member and more importantly disciple of Christ I know that life can be weighty at times. We should not allow the demands of life to get in the way of discipling our children. If you can give up something that falls into the category of “my desires” then do it. You may not “crash the plane” so to speak but you will have no influence on your child’s spiritual condition. They need a leader and the Bible makes very clear it is the role of the Father to spiritually lead his family. This cannot be done on auto-pilot. It does take time and involves heart change but change is good. We need to first understand our role: spiritual leaders. If we are called to be spiritual leaders, we need to ensure we are fed spiritually and “dressed like a man ready for action.” This is only accomplished through the power of the Holy Spirit in fervent prayer, Bible study, and being discipled. Here are a few practical things I do to accomplish this. Give up on yourself We were not meant to go about life apart from the power of God that is in Christ Jesus so quit trying. The very foundation of man is a complete dependence to his Creator. Life apart is meaningless and full of anxiety. Therefore, understand who you are in Christ, you are a son of God. Galatians 4:6-7 says "And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” 7 So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God." A son inherits all that the Father has and we are joint heirs in Christ. Plead with God to change your heart. Pray to the God of Heaven to give you a new heart. If you need to see this in action read Ezekiel 37. See yourself lying dead there in the valley. Dry bones, no life and see what the Lord does. God is in the business of changing hearts and He will change yours. See your child as God intended A heritage unto the Lord. They belong to God most High and He has entrusted you with them for such a time as this. God never gets an address wrong, He never makes a mistake and He did not with you nor your children. Instruct Your Children with Family Devotionals As joint heirs in Christ we must instruct our children in the very same. Family devotionals sounds tough but it is not. This can simply involve: Praying If children are old enough I encourage them to offer a prayer request. Sometimes a little guidance is all they need. You would be surprised at what is going on in their little hearts when they share their requests. It is also a perfect opportunity for you to work through John 14:13 “You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father.” Reading together This can involve a lesson, a book or a book of the Bible dependent on the appropriateness of age. Aim to Change the Heart, not the Surface Level Behavior This concept is so important and it is Biblical. The Bible is very clear that our behavior, (e.g. what we say, do, think and act) is a result of a sinful heart. We must aim to change the heart of both our children and ourselves. Without a changed heart you get what I call “circumstantial behavior” that is behavior that only lasts when there is an authority around to enforce it. The Bible likens man to a tree many times, and this tell-tale analogy shows the heart is the problem. In Matthew 7:18 Jesus says “A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit.” If the fruit is rotting, hanging good fruit on the branches will just be a waste of time, spraying perfume on a dead body doesn’t help. Jesus says in Matthew 23:25-26 “… wash the inside of the cup and the outside will be clean.” The bad root that is causing the fruit to rot is the heart and it must be addressed. A good book to read on this is Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp, and Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands by Paul Tripp. Each addresses the importance of heart change, not mere surface level behavior. Tedd Tripp’s book is specific to children but is beneficial to adults. Paul Tripp’s book is more geared toward everyday people who engage in personal ministry. Lead Your Children Leading by example is no small feat. It takes a man focused on God as he goes, to lead with grace, mercy, humility and continually get back up after every fall. Your children need to know that it is okay to fail, it is okay to struggle, and it is okay to ask questions. Let’s face it, in life there will be failures; we are not perfect, and sin still remains. However, when you fail your children need to see repentance and growth. In the life, death, burial and resurrection of Christ Jesus God forgave our sins, but we still need to repent of sin and seek God’s forgiveness. We need to teach our little ones that sin is not just a tiny wrong committed against another individual; rather it is a great offense to the God of the universe first and foremost. Second it is an offense to the person whom we/they have wronged. Therefore, when we sin we should seek forgiveness from a Holy God and ensure our heart is submitted to Him. Then and only then can we seek forgiveness from the person we have wronged. Emulate Christ for your children and help them understand that daddies mess up too. It is okay, every mess up is an opportunity to see the changing power of Christ in the heart of fallen sinners. Crucify Your Flesh and Follow Christ This is by far the most important step in seeking to live like Christ, lead and love our children. When you became a daddy, God is saying, “take care of this child, teaching him/her all that I have commanded you, and lead them spiritually. For you will give an account of how your lead them.” He knows our failures, fears, responses, and still gave us children to rear for His glory. As a daddy our desires should be crucified daily and we should seek to follow Christ no matter what. The most ridiculous thing I can do after an “abundant” day at work, and 1 1/2 hours of traffic, is to rely on myself in leading my family. My sinful desires of comfort, “peace and quiet” and whatever else my wicked heart can dream up will overtake me every time unless I am resting in the power of Christ and seeking to follow Him. I pray when I cross the threshold of my driveway for more grace, mercy, wisdom and a gentle heart as I head to the door. Was my day busy, stressful, cumbersome, agitating, and long, you bet; but God called me to lead my family for His Glory not fulfill my lusts of the flesh. Luke 9:23 — Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”
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As a husband and father to 4 boys, I have seen much in the way of messiness. I have seen boo boo’s that widen the eyes and cause panic; however, I have also seen boo boo’s that call for wasting precious band-aids simply so the youngster will take his scarcely scraped knee like a “man.” I have dealt with the logic behind every excuse and reasoning from toddler to teen. One thing that has continually stood out is that of the messy room. It’s a feeling of dread as you climb the stairs and open the foreboding door. It leads to an alternate dimension where you are sure one of your children live, but can no longer discern how or where.
You know what I am talking about. One wrong move could spell disaster. Lego blocks strewn across the floor, storage tubs laying on their side and remnants of terrible battles waged between Lego dragons and army men still lying about. The thought then arises, how does one find anything in this place of disorder? Growing up I remember that while I was not what one would consider a modern “minimalist” I was one to stay periodically organized. It seemed good that something could be found or played with when needed; therefore, things usually had a place. As I got older and realized that “stuff” started to build up, I would simply purge. We still occasionally do this with things, toys, papers and stuff. This idea of purging seems rather foreign to youngsters and it can be difficult to comprehend let alone partake in. But it is important if we are to focus on the things that matter. Back in Egypt, I recall Pharaoh’s response to Israel’s desire to go and worship their God, “You are idle (or lazy) you are idle that is why you say let us go and sacrifice to the LORD.” In Exodus 5:2 Pharaoh says, “Who is the LORD that I should obey His voice to let Israel go?” Pharaoh’s desire was to keep the nation of Israel busy working for him so that they would “forget” about serving “this God.” We are not slaves to Pharaoh; however, we can become slaves to other things. Like Pharaoh’s desire to keep the nation of Israel busy and not worshiping the LORD, we too become too busy to worship the LORD as He deserves. The average home has 2-3 televisions, 1-2 gaming consoles, computers, and other mobile digital devices. Soon our lives and homes become so cluttered that we are unable to discern a path through the mess. Our physical “room” becomes messy and before long our spiritual room is so cluttered that God is left completely out of the picture. Some will say, “I may have a messy room but I still engage scripture and pray.” While this may be true, the amount of time we spend on digital devices away from God train our mind and rewire our desires and it shows. For example, let us say we spend 30 minutes in the morning with God in prayer and Bible reading. During that 30 minutes, count how many times you pick up your phone, think about doing something else and consider where the desire of your heart and mind truly is. We are so bombarded by the things of this world that we can no longer discern where God is in our mess. I understand, we as a people are inundated with calls for our attention, marketed on every front, and assaulted with new shiny gadgets every few months, that we “just have to have!” so, what can we do? Like the aforementioned fallen Lego dragons and army men , we must wage war on this mentality that has so consumed us. I mean really put these desires to death. I heard it said one time, if you really want to know how important something is find a bench in front of a graveyard and ask yourself “what eternal value does it have?” Matthew 6:19-21 says: 19“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; 21 for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Can you just feel how heavy that truth bomb is? We were made to worship, and we will always worship something, the problem is not worship but our sinful desires that entice us to worship everything but God. Therefore, we accumulate to ourselves “things” that have no eternal value and do nothing to spread the Glory of God nor His precious Gospel. We sit continuously in front of our screens assuming we are living life when the people in front of us are ignored. We flood ourselves with information and post constantly in an attempt to see and be seen; to know and be known, but all of this is inherently full of sinful selfishness and pride. Ravi Zacharias said, “Our right to know assumes our right to know and see everything, and that we have the wisdom to respond appropriately. Both of those assumptions are false.” Hear me on this as I cannot stress it enough. You must organize your time and do it with intentionality. I know some people just do not thrive at organization but it can be learned. It may not seem important, but when you have reached the end of your day barely wading through the chaos and ask yourself “what just happened to my day?” its importance starts to feel heavy. It is in these moments that we realize how much time we waste on frivolous things with no eternal impact. We must forecast our time with the Lord, so that we are able to put away the things of this world and submit to him mentally and within our heart. If everything we are flows from our heart (Proverbs 4:23), then it seems good to organize time with the Lord with intentionality. The definition for intentional is “done on purpose.” Using the word intentional is a nice way of saying, DO IT! Force it if you have too but understand that doing something with intentionality means to do it on purpose. We all do many things with intentionality: cooking, cleaning, scrolling, watching, playing, talking, and a mess of others. However, when it comes to time with our Creator we seem to forget what intentionality means. Start out small and intentionally spend time with God one day a week; then move it to two, and continue to increase until it is an intentional part of your day every day. Do not sell out to the world’s hedonism. It is exactly the opposite of what we are called to do as Christians.
We must cry out to God in prayer pleading for help in this area. I know its tough, I know we all have like a bazillion things to do and I know that we get tired, overworked, frustrated, and dare I say it, lazy. But we must persevere in the faith which was given us in Christ Jesus by way of the Holy Spirit. Spending time with our Creator uninterrupted must be an intentional battle against the prince of the power of the air. We will not depart from our idleness (television, internet, mobile phone, games, etc..) unless we cry out to God for His strength to overcome. This has to be done continually. We must seek His help through the empowering of the Holy Spirit each moment of each day. Cry out to the Lord in prayer and seek His help. Jesus said to ask in His name and it will be given. Rightly understanding Jesus’ words means asking for that which is in line with the Lord’s will. Think about the word “in line.” In line skates typically have 4 wheels. God at the front, Jesus next, the Holy Spirit and then you, or me. If we put ourselves first, subsequently leaving God, behind we can be sure to wreck. The easiest times to worship God are when we feel like it, the hardest is when we don’t. Therefore, get in line with God and cry out to Him for help in both and He will honor your cry. Our spiritual room is messy, we need to clean it! Have you stopped to consider what we as humans allow into our bodies? Think about it, processed food, high in fat and sodium, candy, chips, all manner of junk food. If you ever wondered how much waste is in a particular food, simply head on over to Calorie King to find out. Not only will you find out what is in the food, you can also see how long it will take with a particular exercise to eliminate those calories. In order to burn off one sugared or glazed chocolate cake-type donut, one would need to choose from the following:
Matthew 15:10-1310 After Jesus called the crowd to Him, He said to them, “Hear and understand. 11 It is not what enters into the mouth that defiles the man, but what proceeds out of the mouth, this defiles the man.” 12 Then the disciples *came and *said to Him, “Do You know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this statement?” 13 But He answered and said, “Every plant which My heavenly Father did not plant shall be uprooted. 14 Let them alone; they are blind guides of the blind. And if a blind man guides a blind man, both will fall into a pit.” Jesus answers a previous accusation from the Pharisees, “Why do Your disciples break the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat bread.” Unclean hands before eating was a act thought to defile a practicing Jew. Jesus responds first by calling out the Pharisees on various other offenses. Then He turns to their question and explicitly states that it is not what you put into your mouth, that defiles a person but what comes out of the mouth. Jesus then goes on to provide a more detailed answer explaining why it is what comes out of us that defiles. Matthew 15:15-20 15 Peter said to Him, “Explain the parable to us.” 16 Jesus said, “Are you still lacking in understanding also? 17 Do you not understand that everything that goes into the mouth passes into the stomach, and is eliminated? 18 But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders. 20 These are the things which defile the man; but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile the man.” In His explanation Jesus presupposes the natural corruption of the heart because of sin. We find much support for this in scripture. Proverbs 4:23 Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it? Our heart is desperately wicked and although “follow your heart” is the spirit of the age; Jesus reminds us that following our heart will only lead to evil thoughts, murder, adultery, fornication or sexual immorality, theft, lying, slandering and much more. Jesus Christ is the only one who can change our hearts. God says in Ezekiel 11:19-20 19 “And I will give them one heart, and put a new spirit within them. And I will take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, 20 that they may walk in My statutes and keep My ordinances and do them. Then they will be My people, and I shall be their God.” When God changes our heart, we will still struggle with sin. One of my professors once said, “in the heart of a lost person, sin reigns, but in the heart of a saved person sin remains!” How true is that. What does this have to do with media intake? Well, quite frankly, everything! The external is an overflow of the heart. It is already desperately wicked and so it follows that whatever we continue to fill it with will overflow into our lives. We are driven by our heart and there is no way around that. When we consume media that displays and encourages sin, we exercise our heart in the wrong direction. For example, if your heart struggles with lust, it should follow that consuming media which glorifies sexual promiscuity is a willful plunge into temptation that is almost certain to manifest into sin. This is not to say that one cannot engage in any type of media outside the rated G title; however, it is important to know how visual content affects us. While “each man should be convinced in his own mind” (Romans 14:5) may I submit to you that we should not be “conformed to this world but transformed by the renewing of our mind” (Romans 12:2). Renewing our mind should include daily devotions, prayer, and study; while not excluding media it is important to keep clear of things that turn our heart and mind to temptation. We see God specifically tell the nation of Israel to do the same. In various places in the Old Testament God continually warns Israel that they must not engage in the activities of the people around them; for they practice detestable things. These ranged from taking advantage of others to child sacrifice. Once Israel entertained the idea (temptation) it always manifested into sin. I would say that families that include kids should be even more careful about what type of media they consume. Children constantly learn what to do, how to act, what to say and watch directly from their parents example. As parents, we should heed God’s command in Deuteronomy 11:18-20 18 “You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. 19 You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. 20 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, If we continually allow for dark things to come into our home, we should not be surprised when it affects our families. We must also consider the amount of time that children spend in the world; taught and guided by principles and morals that, in most cases go against the word of God. The home should be a place of peace, a sanctuary where they can feel safe. Our home should be a place of light and not darkness. Hollywood spends millions of dollars peddling trash into the homes across the nation and world for one reason; they have understood all too well the old adage: “the eyes are the window to the soul.” While scripture itself does not directly make this claim it does say that the “eyes are the lamp to the body;” which could suggest the same. If our eyes are the lamp unto our body, this suggests that they feed our body light; however, if all they consume is darkness, well than the body is can no longer see. Let’s consider Psalm 1. Psalm 1:1-21 How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! 2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night. This Psalm compares the righteous with the wicked; however, the first two verses are what we should consider. Here a man is considered blessed (or happy) who does not walk, nor stand, nor sit in the counsel of wicked people. Consider the downward depression. First the man is walking with the wicked, then he is idly standing with sinners, and finally sitting with scoffers. Bottom line if a person continues to do things that bear darkness rather than light they to shall eventually take a seat with scoffers, sinners, and wicked people. This is not to say we should avoid the lost, rather the contrary as we are called to evangelize the lost; however, what it does mean is one who continues in the darkness will eventually become an idle patron in the seat at the table of darkness. If Jesus says our heart is full of evil and Jeremiah says it is desperately wicked, we begin with a heart of darkness. We should seek out the light and fill our heart and mind with such. When it comes to media consumption we use two different sites to check the movies/show/games we allow in our home. One is secular based and one is Christian based. If we find a movie that is questionable we will preview it first before allowing our children to watch it. Site one is Common Sense Media, and is the secular site. It has reviews of movies, books, games, and television shows. It is very comprehensive and explanatory in the reviews which are provided by both adults and children. Site two is Plugged In is Christian based and provides reviews of movies, books, games, music and more. It is vitally important to guard our eyes as they are the lamp unto our body. The darker it is, the more we stumble. God continually warned Israel about this and warns us all the same. Christ is the light of the world and men hate the light for they do evil deeds in the dark and the light exposes their wickedness. I must reiterate that what one consumes ultimately comes down to Romans 14 where “everyone must be convinced in his own mind” but may I submit to you, the eyes when filled with darkness see no light. |
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